May 28, 2009 Port au Prince

Right now I have no words but feel like I need to let some out. My eyes are tired and sore. Partly from the dirt in the eyes from the tap tap ride to Port du Paix, but mostly from crying most of the morning. I lost it this morning when I sat outside the house in the waking sun drinking my coffee - this was my last morning in Passe Catabois. I lost it when I kissed Rosnie goodbye - we've been together since January. I gave her a hard time this morning for not going into labor last night. I wanted to see the baby before I left, but she's only 8 months. I almost lost it when I entered the clinic for the last time. Anne Marie comes out and says, How are you? uh..not good Anne Marie, obviously. I completely lost it when we past through the schoolyard to see Lisa, Miriam, and Rose, but instead found Robina, the guard's daughter who I've seen everyday since the beginning; we are kindred spirits. She just stood there staring, why do you have to leave? I walked up to her and just said "M'ale" through my tears, "mwen pa vle kit'o". I finally found the other three before they ran away. Then onto the carfou to wait for a tap tap, but I knew I had to pass the Jal house before. I could barely get the "m'ale" out because I knew I was just going to blubber hardcore. Tears saying goodbye to Rob, tears on the tap tap taking me away from Passe Catabois, tears when the plane finally lifted off the ground...ugg...this sucks beyond most things.