Tuesday December 9

Hey all. Just wanted to say I made it home last night with no problems! Thanks for all your emails and encouragement these past months. My departure started at 1 pm on Sunday from PC and I made it home at 10pm yesterday night! I will be calling/emailing/seeing you all soon!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Holy crap, I'm coming home in 6 days.

The Beach Encore

Saturday. We ventured to the beach for a little vacation, this being one of the last Saturdays I have with Annelies and Dustin. We set out in the morning walking because not many tap taps pass by on the weekend, but one found us for the first half of the journey. After walking the last half of the way, including through a huge desert valley, a mud-filled (cow pie filled) marsh, and the road up and over a small mountain in the heat, we arrived at the beach! The day was awesome. Beach, nap, sun, sand, swimming, oh. But part of the adventure was getting back. Walking, walking, walking to the point we were day dreaming about Santa Claus leaving us some bicycles just around the next bend. And at one point on the road we had to run because the biggest mosquitos I've seen here started attacking us. Needless to say, we were shouting Hallelujah when we saw the tap tap coming around the bend, especially because it was getting dark. I think we walked about 14 kilometers in total, but oh was it worth it.

Thanksgiving

After another long day and another new baby born, the Thanksgiving cooking started at 6:30pm, but it turned out to be a pretty awesome dinner with the three of us. The tradition lives on in Haiti; I think everyone could say they were stuffed. Manyok, gravy, stuffing, canned salmon turned into salmon/bean patties! (thanks Boss Ben for leaving us that treat). Even with brownies for dessert, the best part of the day was sitting outside under the stars wrapped in a blanket (because it was freezing!) and talking to my whole family on the phone.

Monday November 17, 2008

What an awful day. We usually dread every Monday because it starts off early and sweaty as we run to the market and haul all our groceries before we start rounds in the morning. Also with market day in PC, that means the clinic is always busy. Today though... This 9 year old girl comes to us so sick. Skin boutons everywhere, diarrhea, pneumonia, can't eat or drink because of so much pain. I did the HIV test for her and felt my stomach drop when I saw the positive result. A little rage thrown in there too. Thinking, seriously, this is so wrong. Her mother had already died who most likely gave it to her at the beginning of her life. We decided to keep her with us until she can go to the hospital in LaPointe where they can do tests and give medications outpatient for free. But it is awful to see how she is suffering.

Then Annelies and I spent most of the day with two other babies; one dehydration, vomiting, diarrhea and the other with a very high fever. It was almost getting to the time to wrap up the day when we heard that the woman who was in labor all day by the clinic had meconium in her water so we had to wait it out; wait for the baby to come (which is my favorite thing to do in the whole world). The baby finally came around 6 o'clock after some pitocin and IV fluid, but it wasn't breathing and meconium everywhere (baby's first poop for all you non medicals). We did CPR for some time while Anne Marie suctioned out her lungs, everyone huddled into the little side room of the clinic, the three of us with our headlamps and a pile of women behind us. The baby started to come to life slowly; it was a miracle, but I don't know how much damage was done during that time - hopefully not another Ismael.

By that time it was late and Annelies and I decided to just do rounds at the hospital before going home. We were hungry and Annelies had a raging headache. We would do it fast right? But then I saw our newest little malnutrition baby, so so dry. Apparently diarrhea all day, but no one thought to come and get us from the clinic all day. I tried to give him some oral rehydration serum, but it was all just coming out his mouth. I was so frustrated and tired I had to stop and walk away. I sat outside for a bit while and cried a few drops (Bendji at my side of course). Too overwhelmed, too frustrated to do anything else. We ended up bringing him back to the clinic and I tubed him while Annelies ran to get Anne Marie. I was thinking, ok IV and tube - this is going to be all night. They finally came and Anne Marie said no; she felt like we needed to send them home; he is too bad, too sick and in reality we can't handle watching another baby die after we already lost three over the weekend. I'm sorry to say I was so relieved; so relieved Anne Marie actually drew the line and said we can't do it.

Bendji

Lindsey, I found my 12 year old boy. It's always the 12 year old boys that get me. Bendji has been a patient at the hospital for about 3 or 4 weeks now. He's already 12 years old, but is still a picture of malnutrition. Not so skinny, but swollen face and red hair. I'm learning that Haiti is one of the only countries that kids are at risk of malnutrition until the age of 10; normally, in other countries it is 5 year of age. Bendji is an orphan; at least his mother died and his father is somewhere else. He is being raised by his godmother, who has a lot of other children as well. But since he's been staying at the hospital his godmother has taken off; she has not stayed with him more than a few days. An aunt of Bendji's has come to stay for a few days, but other than that he's been alone. It's customary here that the family provides all the food, washing, chores, etc. for the patients so it's odd and a little disturbing that no one is here with him.

This boy however is not phased. He is living it up at the hospital. He seems to be my new best friend and after only a few days at the hospital I'm pretty sure he knows everyone's name (not an easy task) and everyone knows him. And he is smart and probably the most curious Haitian I have ever seen! oh. He decided he was going to be my doctor and treat my ringworm with his own home remedy. Every morning he would whip out a sack from his pocket with a lime and salt and apply it on my arm. And alas, the ringworm is almost healed (don't tell him I used my antifungal cream too). The other day I walk into the hospital and he has somehow contrapted a car made out of styrafoam and sticks. This was quite shocking because I don't think I've seen a Haitian child build something; usually it's just breaking things. After I saw the car he had made, he said, now I'm a Boss too! Oh I could take him home.

I don't know why he came to us or why a boy with a spirit like his is stuck in an environment has been so poor. No parents and most likely the last among all the other kids he lives with. But I don't see much of the effects. He always finds us at the hospital and takes your hand and reminds you he is a good doctor or explains just exactly how to do a certain thing; all with a the biggest smile on his face. I want to say he's coming alive, but I think he's always been alive. I pray the Lord does something incredible with his life.

The Rat

We have a battle on our hands. How to kill the rat who has taken over the clinic. Everyday it seems we find something he has eaten or chewed through. It's getting pretty ridiculous. This rat definitely has no anemia since it's eaten so much of our iron pills. The other day we opened a few of our crates to find half our IV fluid bottles chewed through; he apparently likes D5 as opposed to NS. Oh, AnneMarie was beyond mad. The rat has turned her into a person capable of actually killing an animal (which is unheard of if you know her). But the kicker was last week, when AnneMarie found a nest of newborn baby rats in the box of the ultrasound machine. Oh yes, you heard me.... I'm sorry to say they are no longer with us and the hunt for mama rat is still burning in all of our hearts. And even more so after the other incident last week. Since we ran out of alcohol for surgeries, Anne Marie has been using kleren (the local rum here) for disinfecting. Yes you guessed it. Mama rat must have been singing a happy drunken song after she bit through the jug and drank half of it. We were hoping she would die of alcohol poisioning, but alas we've heard her squeeks since then. There has been a lot of ideas flying around about how we can actually execute the kill, including cement mix and corn meal, but hopefully the good old fashion rat poison will work.

Saturday November 15, 2008

I was roasting a bit after this day; perhaps a little steam coming out my ears.
Today, Saturday, I can't even regroup, take a break, read a book because I'm sitting here waiting for this baby to die here on the kitchen floor with me. Saturday night, party it up. This baby was fine today. Dehydrated but getting better, then at 4 (yes we were still at the clinic with a delivery) he started seizing. After thirty minutes and no change. We have no clue what happened. His NG tube had just come out so Annelies and I took it out and gave him some tylenol since he had been crying all day. As soon as the mom saw what was happening, she took off...like just ran away. And now I'm spending my Saturday night waiting for him to die, watching him continue to seize and stare into eyes that aren't there anymore. I'm sorry but I hate this place today. Wondering if I'm totally selfish or if maybe we did something wrong with him or why he didn't do this the day he came into the clinic with a fever of 105 F or is there really something evil going on here. I just want his family to come and get him. This whole place is so ridiculous.

The family did end up coming to get him around 9pm. Dustin, Annelies, and I needed something after this day. And I'm sorry to say that we stuffed ourselves with coke, popcorn, and a little Dutch cake.

Four Months

November 8, 2008
It's my 4 month mark and just wanted to celebrate by making a little list. It's called:
what Ryna hasn't done or experienced in 4 months:
-drive a car
-take a warm shower
-drink a latte (so sad)
-walk on carpet
-have goosebumps
-watch TV
-eat cold cereal (oh I'm crying now)
-been without any mosquito bites
-wear socks (ok maybe once)
-look in a mirror (ha! just kidding)

Wednesday November 5, 2008

Today I feel like I hit a turning point. It feels like we've had weeks and weeks of just being frustrated. Frustrated with the people and difficulties here and forgetting a little compassion sometimes. It's been hard with Frisner here for the past couple weeks. He cries constantly if you aren't holding him, which just makes all of us mad, and work is hard with trying to carry him in the baby backpack all day. Then we go to the hospital an get even more frustrated with the lack of sanitation (that's what happens when you have 5 babies in one room, including family and all the other kids in tow...and not to mention no diapers), and frustrated with lack of knowledge of how to take care of your children. But seriously, nothing's changed, we just need a little more compassion.

So yesterday we got word that Frisner could go to House of Hope since the adoptive parents of the twin we took there a month ago said yes to adopting another Haitian baby. So today we went! We were lucky to hitch a ride with Rob, since he was going into town anyway. And wow, riding inside a car instead of tap tap was pretty luxurious. The strangest thing happened though when we were almost at the door of House of Hope. Annelies and I were feeling really really sad to give up our little friend. Ah! He really is precious and we somehow forget how he makes us want to pull our hair out when he sits with us and cries (like raging) for hours. Poor Jenny is all I can say. I hope he grows out of that soon. But I know he will be well there.

The ride back was freeing. Not only the feeling of being baby-free, but Dustin, Annelies, and I rode on the roof of Rob's truck since there were too many people and things being transported back. When we got on the roof, I said, oh man, my dad would kill me if he saw me now. But seriously besides having to dodge the tree branches, it was the nicest view in the whole house. The countryside is so beautiful now. And we didn't fall off (that one's for you dad).

And going to the hospital tonight, I felt renewed desire to be there with the patients. There's nothing like leaving to make you miss home a little more.

Frisner

Our newest guest in our house. We've had Frisner for about a week and a half now. His mom died two weeks ago. He is 7 months, but he has to be more since he is starting to babble quite a bit (he is killing us with his little voice and we somehow forget how frustrated we get when he is crying his head off for hours). We want him to be adopted to be a brother to Isaac, the twin we took to House of Hope, but the adoptive parents are still deciding. Frisner's dad didn't even have to think twice about saying yes to him being adopted out...sad. We took him into our house because he was in the care of his 16 year old cousin who left him sitting on the bed all by himself all day. He vomited most of what we fed him the first night. After a few days and time with Miss Will (the dutch nurse who was staying here) he is doing great. He's sitting on my lap right now, strapped in the baby backpack (thanks Sara!), trying to pick my nose..thanks Frisner.

We are not sure what we are going to do with him in the mean time. We all have a sense of urgency that he shouldn't go back to his home, but don't have a clear answer yet of what to do.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

This morning Annelies and I wanted to stay at the hospital all day and skip clinic. We walked in this morning and heard the strangest sound: a guitar!! And for some reason my heart felt so happy just at the sound. Apparently we have a famous artist in our midst...the dad of one of our malnourished boys is apparently a famous blind singer. Ha! Not something you see everyday in Haiti. And this morning the guitar was singing and so was everyone else! The atmosphere was completely changed. Hymns coming out of the hospital and people lined up in the hall at night to be part of what's going on. It feels so light and good compared to whatever else is going on in all of Haiti.

Monday, October 27, 2008

I had to take an angry timeout yesterday; listen to some angry music while I cracked some beans for dinner. Annelies, Dustin, and I had returned from delivering an 8 month old baby home who had died at our house. I was just angry with this whole place. Everything is so wrong sometimes. Here are two parents, HIV positive, know it, refuse to take medication for free, and go on to have two more babies. Are they careless? Or is the understanding and intellect not there?

After we told the parents their baby had died, they both nodded like they knew it was coming and then the mom stood and round around doing her Haitian wailing (the norm when someone has died). The sad thing is that it's all a show. I thought the dad could be genuinely sad but we soon found out he was more sad about the cost of the funeral, also a source of my anger. One, that this was the dad's first response and two, this is what is helping to kill Haiti. The cost of a funeral (which seems to be socially mandatory) could feed this already poor family for I don't know how many days. They sit there with tears in their eyes, asking for money, but how can we support such a thing, when we need to use the money to keep people alive? And the honesty of it all is so hard to tell; the story is always changing. We were a little burnt out that day after sending two people home from the hospital for uh...bad behavior. And in the midst of all this tet chaje with money, there was a little boy who just needed some relief and comfort before he died.

A Rare Smile (This one's for you Sara and Erica!)

Our boy John, two year old, malnutrition. His mom died and dad is no where to be found in Dominican Republic. His aunt takes care of him now (sort of). He came to us more than a month ago with swollen feet and ribs you could see through his chest. He thinks Annelies is his mom now and follows her all around the hospital while we do rounds (mostly crying at her feet to pick him up).

The valley below our house after the hurricanes. Obviously it's beautiful now, but you can see how much the water took if you've been here before.

The face of malnutrition

Peterson
I couldn't resist this taking this photo. Check the Unicef shirt. A little too much irony for me.

more humor to keep us sane:

-Last Sunday (our day off right?) a tap tap rolls into the clinic. Annelies and I were there already doing other things. An old man who can't pee...3 or 4 days...and the bladder is so big. Only in Haiti as my saying goes: I put a catheter in while sitting on the bench of the tap tap so the old man could stay right where he was (I mean how much useless pain and sweat would be spent on moving the poor man inside? come on!) And success...pee sorti and all went home happy...

-We had a new patient yesterday afternoon. A mule. AnneMarie has this super soft spot for animals and when she saw this mule on the road, hobbling under it's load, she brought it to the clinic to get whatever it was out of his foot. After a lot of holding, sweat dripping, and a few screams when the mule got a little agitated, I think it was Guarland who got most of the embedded rock out of the hoof, using surgical tweezers and whatever else, and fully garbed in her scrubs.

-We know we are all a little bit on edge or at the end of "one of those kind of days" when Dustin goes on a killing spree. You know it when you walk into the kitchen and get a huge wiff of Raid and dinner conversation revolves around how to build a moth trap around our light bulbs. But the kicker is only for rare occasions - we turn off all the lights and light the gas stove and watch all the moths burst into flames!

random thoughts

Part of an email I wrote to my sister that I realize would double as a good blog:

I got sick on Friday, but slept like 11 hours that night so now am feeling a little better. I don't know what was up, nauseated, bloated, headache, and whole body aches. It kind of felt like something bad inside needed to sorti, but nothing happened, ha! I'm feeling ok. I just get really frustrated from time to time. But I think it's a healthy frustration. Frustration that this whole world is messed up. And seeing the faces of kids suffering just makes you feel it even more. And it's hard when you can't do a lot for them. There's one boy in the hospital now. I don't know if he'll make it, but he is suffering now. His name is Peterson, he is 2.5 years old (I wrote on my blog his name was Lorenson at first, but we got his name wrong). Malnutrition, but his whole body is swollen now and and the skin around his penis and in his groin is all sluffing off. ugg. That right there is hard to watch. oh, but how I love him. He has a spirit, he's always fighting. He even bit me once when I was trying to do the NG tube with him! I'm surprised he is still with us even now, so maybe there is still hope, I don't know. Anyway, just wanted to tell you a bit about him. He's probably the hardest thing for me right now. But there are good things too. A lot of the malnutrition kids are getting better, and the tb patients are always getting better. I realized last night that God has given me family here too. I was sitting outside the hospital with one of my best friends at the hospital - the 55 year old mother of one of the tb patients, and I guess I was just feeling a little empty and missing people. She just put her arm around me and I was thinking, woah, I have a mom here when I have to be away from my mom. Oh it was a nice realization. Ok, well anyway, enough sap for now.

Friday October 17, 2008

The hospital is full. We've cleared out another room and found some beds somewhere (thanks to Rob and AJ). We counted this morning: 33 patients. Some are two kids in one family and so are sharing a bed. It's a wierd feeling when you don't even know everyone's name. The two big rooms in the front of the hospital have basically turned into a pediatric ward (I guess I can never get away from it). I think we have 10 kids we are treating for malnutrition now. Here are some highlights of the past few days:

- AJ's dad came last week for a quick visit. AJ and I pounded him about what's going on back at home because we've been in the dark so long. A lot of frustration with hearing about all the financial and political stuff going on there (especially through my lens of Haiti).

- Marty brought me my new camera, let's just say I'm going a little crazy after not having one that worked for more than a month (my dad called that one)

- One of our malnutrition kids, John, smiled for the first time I had ever seen him. I pretty much freaked out. Usually he has this look on his face that says: you are the most pathetic human being on earth.

- We sent Love home, the 4 year old that we drained 4 liters out of her belly last week. After the second ultrasound, AM thinks it is a kidney problem and we can do nothing for her. We don't know how much longer she will survive.

- Today Annelies and I set out walking to Ba Moustique to find a sick baby that never returned to the clinic to be hospitalized (what her dad told us he was going to do). We didn't find her however. The true essense of nursing I must say: trudging through the heat to find a sick baby! It was a good trip nonetheless. We sat at the third water faucet for quite some time chatting with the people there (and putting in our plug about family planning).

- Feeling so thankful that Annelies is here. I don't know how any one of us could do this on our own.

Oct 12: Some Raw Feelings

It feels like I'm getting more and more frustrated and so easily annoyed each day. I'm here for the Haitian people and to work but find myself wanting to be lazy or just waiting for the last surgery to be over for the day. Or find myself cringing when I see another baby or obviously malnourished child walk through the door. That's the thing I don't understand. Why don't I feel more compassion for them? I don't know why I feel the way I do. Maybe it's that there is no clear-cut tangible way to treat them - and what we do is so sticky, complicated, and mostly hard because we have to rely so much on the parents to do it (and we don't see a lot with our own eyes) and so many are not the brightest. Oh I'm sorry but it's true. I have to understand it's a system problem, but my frustration still comes out. And oh I'm trying to figure out the cause of it all - we have a lot of 2 year olds, they are picky anyway, lack of protein in everyone's diet, and it's always those who have stopped with breastfeeding recently (the mothers stop when they are pregnant again) - that transition is the problem.

And oh Peter, he really gets to me. I think we will lose him, but he's a fighter. I feel guilty because I feel I should try more or harder but don't know what else to do. He was suffering so last night - laying with his mom calling for her, moving as if he was in such discomfort he couldn't sit still. Oh please heal his body, give him an appetite. But I think I need some compassion for today - I am lacking.

Tues Oct 14, 2008

Feeling a bit defeated today. The hospital is full. We've even pulled a few beds from depots to add in some of the rooms. 27 patients, half tuberculosis, half malnutrition. It's overwhelming and frustrating. As soon as we have an open bed, it's taken that day by a new patient. And its all so odd...we have so many being hospitalized just because they need to eat. Ugg...it's getting ridiculous. Pray that we could all have patience with it all.

Tues, Oct 14, 2008

Feeling a bit defeated today. The hospital is full. We've even pulled a few beds from depots to add in some of the rooms. 27 patients, half tuberculosis, half malnutrition. It's overwhelming and frustrating. As soon as we have an open bed, it's taken that day by a new patient. And its all so odd...we have so many being hospitalized just because they need to eat. Ugg...it's getting ridiculous. Pray that we could all have patience with it all.

Thursday October 9, 2008

This week has been frustrating to say the least. Three new kids admitted to the hospital this week. The hospital is full so we have some staying at the beds in the clinic. I'm not sure what we are going to do tomorrow with the surgery patients who need a bed too.

Tuesday delivered us a 4 year old girl with the biggest ascites (water in her abdomen) I have ever seen in my life. Not a lot of things shock me much, but when I laid eyes on this little girl, I pretty much stopped in my tracks. Her whole legs were completely swollen as well most likely due to the swelling in her belly that is constricting blood vessels at her groin. The cause of all this we are still not sure. AM felt we had to work fast because the girl was already having trouble breathing. So, we spent the whole morning draining her stomach via IV catheter puncturing the abdomen. Four liters later... ugg...I was frustated and just getting angry. This girl had been sick for a month and the mother had already taken her to the witch doctor. I guess we were her last hope. I just don't understand. She is so small underneath all her swelling. Her face is probably the size of a newborn and her arms are thinner than two of my fingers. Seeing her in that state, revived the hatred I feel toward the evil one who has ravaged this country.

Wednesday, I took our newest malnutritioned patient to the clinic for the day to tube him and give him the new formula we are trying to make for these kids. Kwashiokor is so ugly because the kids are so lacking in protein that their body starts to well up. Feet, hands, face, etc. They never want to eat and have the worst mood on the planet. So...we thought we would try our new plan with Lorenson, our newest Kwash kid who is 2.5 years old. I think it took three people to hold him down while putting in the tube and then someone had to hold hiim the entire day so he wouldn't pull it out. It was a challenge and by the end of the day I was covered in vomit and completely exhausted from fighting him (we bandaged his hands at one point, but still had to hold him and his hands the entire day - and this little one never was still or quiet). At the end of the day, it all felt futile since he threw up most of what we gave him...all that hard work. Oh... it's so frustrating. They don't eat, fight and hit you, and then in the end throw up everything that went down the tube. This battle is a hard one.

Then today, guess what walks in the door... I always want to turn and walk the other way when I see the babies coming in with their swollen feet. Yep a new one today - an 18 month old boy. Now he is staying in the clinic since the hospital is full to the max right now.

Anyway, you can all pray for patience for us and strength to keep going...and for more milk to arrive..

Sunday October 6, 2008

Another adventure in Ryna land here, but this one was initiated by AJ. He decided he wanted to go on a hike today and I decided to go too, one because I just wanted to and two because I thought it would be better not to leave him wondering the country side alone in the middle of Haiti. And I can now say (after the fact) that it was pretty awesome. We had the end goal of this mountain in the distance but I'm pretty sure it never got closer even though we hiked for two hours towards it (AJ would probably say otherwise here). The beautiful thing about Haiti is there are trails all over the countryside; but even still we had a few dicey moments when we were walking through grass over our heads and through some gardens (don't worry, everyone is friendly and response well to the white people trying to speak creole, ha!). Everyone we passed wanted us to come and sit at their house and we did for a few moments at one house because we had to pass through their houses. We did however, have a second dicey moment when we were trying to get back. I think we realized we may have mis-shot a little when we were following a path home and everyone walking towards us said they had come from Post Mitche, woops. Anyway we ran into some people we knew who lead us to the big road. By then I knew exactly where we were, but it was a ways to go yet. We almost toughed it out walking through the heat, but finally caved when a tap tap driver stopped and said he'd give us a free ride because he was friends with Anne Marie. Ha! And to make the day even better the bakery had cold cokes today...

The day didn't stop there though because as soon as I had been sitting back in the kitchen for about 5 minutes we hear Anne Marie needed some help as she was trying to prepare for a medical team coming (that day and staying for just one day) and trying to hold down the fort with random people coming to the clinic on a Sunday afternoon. We went to go prepare dinner for her and the team. However, pretty much as soon as the team came, guess what...two deliveries came too. Let's just say it wasn't the best day for AM because she had been up since 2:30am doing another delivery and had to field another helicopter that came in today. And so we finished the day with two babies born within 10 minutes of each other. I think we were all beyond fatigued and a little drained (and can we say sunburned again?)

Another Pocket of Joy

Friday morning I woke up at 5:40, sat outside (in my hooded sweatshirt, thank you Jesus) with a cup of coffee and my ipod. Oh Lord thank you for the escape of music and Stop/Start by The Pale and not to mention the beauty that has taken over Haiti since the hurricanes; so vibrant and green....

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Holy crap. The tears have come, which I'm glad for but my heart is so heavy right now. Perhaps all the talks with everyone and how Jeb seemed so disturbed when he visited the hospital last night, is helping me process all this. Before I was like: this is what I see everyday. But last night something hit me. I cried...hard...images of Wilinson laying in his bed, legs spread because his testicles are so swollen he can't lay any other way (all due to severe malnutrition), his face grimacing in pain. No four year old should have to endure this. Images of Lovenie, her swollen face at the end. Calim...Perhaps its starting to haunt me, but I would rather feel something than nothing at all. This has all taken me by surprise somehow.

Lam 2:11-12 is ringing true.

Tuesday, September 29, 2008

Some euphoria with new visitors that arrived today. Especially with seeing the Haitians who didn't know they were coming. Jeb and Michael came for a few days to help Rob with the housing project - to see what's happened here and to get an idea of what the houses will entail.

Oh my goodness (as Luke would say apparently), we may have all gained some pounds after a few chocolate pigfests. But oh, the apples taste pretty dang good after not eating one for three months (Thanks Michael). And Ashlee...thanks for the hug and the jar of PB. Jef def delivered both successfully. It was nice to have some good conversation, laughs, and general good humor with a house full of guys. But seriously, I feel encouraged to be here. I'm learning Jeb has a gift in giving encouragement to people. Today and lately I'm getting a glimpse of what Jesus promised in Mark 10:29-31. Something about it just fills you up. More pockets of joy amidst life here. And also it's good to have people here who are not so accustomed to what I see everyday and may have become numb to. Hearing Jeb talking about Haiti gives me new perspective again. And I think it's true what he said: if you don't love and hate Haiti in the same breath, you don't know Haiti at all. And if anyone thinks he understands Haiti you can make a pretty good guess at how ignorant he is...

Monday September 29, 2008

Finally, I got to get off the home front for a while. Today Frer Jal, AJ and I took a trip into LaPointe to the House of Hope to bring Isaac, the twin of Hannah, to stay until he will be adopted out. We also took one of the boys from the hospital for an xray of his arm at the hospital there. It was quite an adventure, again. Any time you venture to transport anywhere, it is bound to be so. The travel involved tap tap, boat, mototaxi (riding on the back of the motorcycle holding on for dear life) and tap tap again. And that was just one way. Sometimes I forget how odd all this is, but I got a glimpse of it when I looked down and saw mysel,f holding Isaac (almost one month old now) sitting in the boat crossing the river because the water is too high to cross via tap tap, feeding him a bottle in one hand and bucketing out the water in the bottom of the boat with the other hand and looking out at both shores seeing the crowds of people watching (I mean that would be pretty entertaining). I'm just glad Frer Jal carried Isaac on the moto and all I had to hold onto was my bag and the motorcycle. It was a successful day though. X-rays done, showing the House of Hope to AJ, talking with Jenny about how they are treating malnutrition there, and returned in one piece. I also wanted to go just to see the land outside of PC and see the effects of the hurricane first hand. It looked that the area around PC was the worst. The three rivers you cross to get here looked completely different. Hardly any green around them now, but just a wide river surrounded by clay clifts and rocks. One the other hand it was a little uplifting because the rivers are passable by car now and all the gardens I saw now have banana trees growing about knee high or higher. There is hope. I hear perhaps in January the gardens that were just replanted after the hurricane will begin to produce crops.

Not Another Normal Sunday

Today was quite exciting. We heard in the morning that a helicopter was coming to drop food. We waited for a long time in the field by the school, but nothing. We finally got a call they would be arriving in an hour. And when we finally heard the chopping of a helicopter coming, it was ex....citing!!!!!!! It was awesome to see. The biggest helicopter I've ever seen in my life land in this place. A big UN on the bottom and WFP on the side (World Food Program). I'm pretty sure AnneMarie walked under the nose of the thing. All of us were there for "security" (ha!). After it took off (Annelies and I covered, I mean covered in dirt from the wind of it taking off) we heard 5 more were coming to make drops today, so we ended up staying in the field most of the day. Can you say sunburn?

We will not be the ones handing out the food, which I am so glad for, but it will make the clinic busier since people are associating us with food hand outs now.

Passe Catabois Update

We have clean water! And the pressure is awesome now. There are tap taps coming on the main road from Port au Paix now. The main problem we have now is the price of food, which has skyrocketed even more after the hurricanes. I heard this morning a gallon of oil costs 90 Haitian dollars. Before you could buy one for 40 or 50.

There are rumors there may be food drops coming here soon!

Friday, Sept 26, 2008

Ah! Mwen Chagren! Sara and Erica left today for Port au Paix, then tomorrow to home. They finally got the Haitian experience of riding in a taptap - it was a little difficult to see them as we waved goodbye amongst the two gigantic basins stuffed with live chickens, reems of plaintains and people. I hope they made it!

This week was an improvement from last but we still had some difficult days. Lovenie, the 7 year old with malnutrition who I NG fed the first day she came died on Wednesday. Her last night, oh how she suffered - whole body edema and pain. We all sat with her for a bit on Wednesday before her dad took her home where she later died. I sat with her trying to keep the little flies from crawling in her half open eyes - she was too gone to care. I whispered to her, she could go; go to Jesus because he just wanted to hold her. I don't think much of her family felt that way so it was almost a relief to hear when she finally passed away.

Then yesterday we had a 2 year old die also - malnutrition. It is getting pretty ridiculous. We already have a new admit of a 4 year old with kwashiokor malnutrition where Lovenie stayed. It's getting so ridiculous that together with Anne Marie, we are trying to start a new program that has been rolling around in her head for quite some time. Cinderella Program (Isaiah 61:3) - we will register kids we see who are at risk (mostly kids who's mothers have died - all but one of our hospitalized kids have lost their mom recently). We will weigh them, give them money for food and ask them to come back every couple weeks or month. I am so excited about this; finally trying to tackle the problem farther upstream.

But oh these past two weeks. I feel bad for Sara and Erica - the misery and emotions they went through here. We thought it was bad in Africa, but relly we had no idea. We all thought the Lord was going to do something big here with them and I think he did, but we have to wait to know just what that was.
Ah, but oh I'm going to miss my friends....a lot.

The Crap has hit the Fan

September 20, 2008

The crap has hit the fan. This week has been hell on earth. Today we sat in the clinic to wait for the baby we've been taking care of all week to die. The fourth one this week. I woke up this morning and had to take a time out on the mountain to cry the culmination of this week out. Here's a recap:

Sunday: 3 of my friends arrived! Sara and Erica, nurses, to stay for 2 weeks and AJ to stay for 5. Crazy excitement on my part to see their faces in my world here. But still no water.

Monday: Market day and a full moon is never a good combo. This day was something fierce. We didn't leave clinic until 5pm, I had a pounding headache and felt like I was going to throw up. Still no water today. Five people admitted to the hospital - malnourished babies and new TB patients. We have no more beds. This workload is getting out of control but Sara and Erica are taking on some of the older babies to feed and give milk. Ysemael pulled out his tube. I left it out because he is taking milk with a spoon. We will see if it is enough. My first night without him in three weeks and I slept the whole night.

Tuesday: I feel so beaten down, I'm not sure how I can keep going. I got a call from my mom tonight. My grandpa passed away today and how I will comprehend and process this without being home with my family I don't know. It was good to cry on the phone with my mom; it was good to spill all the grief of the past days out. So many sick, so many malnourished, so many hungry, so many thirsty, so many sick from river water. Hannah included, the baby twin girl we got last week whose mom died in childbirth. We almost lost her today. Maybe I didn't check her good enough last night but this morning she almost peaced out - severe dehydration. After IV fluid and NG tube, Sara, Erica, and I are taking her tonight. Night rounds the most frustrating yet - Ysemael throwing up, 3 malnourished babies not eating - one with a mom who is just not getting it, and Classilier, my 18 year old friend not doing well. I feel defeated tonight. No water yet, but washing my hair in the river felt divine after a day like this.

Wednesday: I started the day with tears and a hug from Anne Marie after she heard about my grandpa. I was tearful all morning - thinking about how I won't see him again and can't be home to be with everybody. Oh Lord he was a good man and how I wish I could zoom home for a bit and come back. But oh, this morning we stopped TB meds for Classilier because we think he has something else, maybe leukemia. His face was so swollen this morning. I was already tearful and when I thought I would lose him too, I lost it even more. I sat with him on his mat, held his hand and prayed with him. I don't think he knows the Lord. It's getting out of control. 22 patients in the hospital. Hannah still having massive diarrhea. No water yet.

Thursday: Wake up call at 6:30 by TiFrer because a baby at the hospital isn't doing well. Me and Sara running to the hospital in our pajamas. We took the baby back with us, David. He's not getting enough breastmilk from mom and has a weak cry. Frustrated with the mom beyond anything. A baby close to death when I arrived at the clinic 2 hours later. Sara sat with her until she died 3 hours later. Dustin and Annelies finally arrived today. And WATER at the hospital. I ran to it screaming, freaking out, most everyone was laughing at me. Presents from Amanda and Caitlin in Annelies's suitcase - a good supply of sweets and chocolate (it was perfect timing girls, you don't know how much it means to me!) Covered in body fluid, milk, etc and water has not reached the house yet. So...bathing in the river in the pitch black dark and headlamps was pretty much the best thing ever. And good time to talk with my friends and a little debriefing with some M&Ms.

Friday: David passed away at 4 am this morning and somehow I didn't feel so sad. Almost relief swept through me, which I feel a little guilty about. Yesterday his cry was so pitiful and sad and who knows if there was something dark in that room with him, mother? grandmother? But oh, Classilier had an ultrasound today and is going home...most likely to die. We think it's cancer, most likely metastasized. Oh, it's really too difficult to think about. I sat and talked with him today and taught him high five in english. I said I would wait for him when he'll come visit in October (so he says). HALLELUJAH...THE WATER HAS FREAKIN REACHED THE HOUSE. The pressure isn't good, but shower, oh the shower. It was heavenly.

Saturday: today...Hannah had a rough night, a pitiful cry and the diarrhea hasn't stopped. Anne Marie started an intraosseous IV for hydration, but she died with everyone sitting in the clinic around her. This one was the toughest so far and we all were crying. I don't understand. She had new American parents ready to adopt her, but the Lord took her anyway. Images of my grandpa playing with Hannah are floating around in my head. Who knows if it's true but it's nice to think about...

Friday Sept. 12, 2008

I think I'm beginning to get a picture of what the hurricane did to these parts. Its hard to tell when I'm stuck in this little bubble of Passe Catabois and all I hear is what I get through email, and what Rob and Anne Marie hear from others. I was surprised to hear that Haiti made some headlines back at home and after so many emails, I'm beginning to think this is all bigger than I thought. It's about time Haiti got some media coverage and the attention of people in the States, I must say.

This week Rob took the girl who had died home via his 4 wheeler and was gone the whole day looking at the surrounding areas and the destruction. He seemed to be pretty shaken up by what he saw and all the houses that had fallen. He brought back a lot of pictures and there also seemed to be quite a few straw houses that were being propped up by large stick. I hate to think what a little more rain or wind will do. I wish I could explore a little and see what has happened with my own eyes, but here in PC I stay.

The response to Ike though, has been out of this world. I was overwelmed last night with the emails and hearing how people back home want to help. Rob wants to start a housing program with the money that was donated to them. And we have word that more money is coming! woah.

Also yesterday was quite the day. There is a lady in the states who used to be a missionary here in Haiti who couldn't wait to help the people here. After a lot of phone calls and pulling of I don't know how many strings, we got a delivery yesterday via a big group of donkeys: food for the people here and supplies for the clinic! Somehow, this lady got everything from Port au Prince to Passe Catabois in only a few days. Bags and bags of rice, beans, cornmeal, oil and so many IV bottles. The people who brought everything in the saddlebags of the donkeys rode for 8 hours to deliver everything. It was amazing. But then came the hard part...distribution. It started ok, Guerlande ran around to get people she really thought needed it, but then it turned ugly real fast. Herds of people came and it turned into almost a mob at a few moments. Distributing is ugly because there is never enough for everyone to have, and people turn ugly too: pushing, lying that they hadn't gotten any yet, and so on. But it's survival and everyone is hungry. Anyway, people got food and we just have to pray in landed in the right hands!!

Also yesterday I spent the day tube feeding a 7 year old girl, Lovenie, because she came to us with severe malnutrition. She had been admitted earlier this year and had gone home healthy! Yesterday, her feed, hands, and face are already swollen and she would not eat or drink anything. I carried her from the hospital to the clinic in the morning and somehow really felt joy in what I was doing. I'm no good with the babies, but the older kids, oh... She must have been feeling better last evening, because she said in her tiny voice that she would eat today if we only took out the tube!

Other than that I'm preparing for another change (it seems to come every month). Three of my friends are coming this Sunday; and Dustin and Annelies are scheduled to come back on Wednesday. I have a burning urge to clean everything before they come, but we still don't have water. uggg. maybe tomorrow, but we keep hearing that everyday. So I guess I will have to say goodbye to my single life here that I've grown to like (besides Ysemael of course). No more hanging all my underwear in the kitchen to dry anymore I guess (don't tell Dustin).

Tuesday Sept. 9

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I don't know how to put this world I've been in into words. But I will try...

Today I watched my 14 year old patient die right in front of me. I'm trying to grasp just what happened and am wondering if my face was the last thing she saw or if Anne Marie's yelling at the crowd that had gathered for entertainment to get out was the last thing she heard, or if she was already too far gone this morning. She came two weeks ago with lymphatic TB and seemed healthy enough. The past 3 days she declined fast - fever, vomiting, diarrhea - perhaps it was the TB, perhaps drinking river water, perhaps voodoo. I'm wondering if the last is true. We found a red scarf with her mother yesterday and old questionable scars on the girl today. Her getting worse so fast left us speechless. Never the less, she was just a girl, yearning for attention everytime I entered her room...

This is all to add to the aftermath of Ike. Life is going on as normal but it seems I hear of more and more destruction with everyone I talk to. Hannah took out the gardens and the roads, Ike took out the houses, animals, and whatever progress was made on our water system. Six houses in Passe Catabois were destroyed and we hear maybe a quarter of the patients in teh hospital lost homes as well. I don't understand. Everyone already has almost nothing and it can actually get worse. Anne Marie said it well, if you keep working you don't have time to sit down and think about the misery that's happened. It's true, but I feel a little distant from the effects of it all, besides that fact we have no running water. I still have a solid house, a bed, and food to eat. My existence doesn't depend on the fruit of my garden or my animals that are now destroyed.

Needless to say, it has not been a good day. But, among the hardship there has been some light. After Rob and Anne Marie asked for help, a dutch foundation is donating 10,000 euros for rebuilding houses. And we've heard of two potential helicopters that can fly in with food from Port au Prince. It seems it takes a hurricane to get the attention to help the people here.

So today we are surviving.
I may smell, this is true, but I have one coke left in the fridge when my water runs out!

Monday September 8, 2008

I think Jesus is trying to teach me what it means to wait, to be still, to be quiet before him. How I do this, I don't know.

"I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"
"it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord"
"Let him sit alone in silence"

and Matt 6:25-34 is beginning to come to life.

Round Two

I don't even know where to begin. Round two is here. Hurricane Ike is what I hear. I've decided that everything here can have more strength (fos) than I've ever seen before - the people, the wind, the rain, the rivers, the thunder that cracked through my body last night. Right now I'm holding down the fort in the kitchen wondering how everything will be able to withstand this fos. I stood on the top of the hillside to see the river and the storm and thought at one point the wind would knock me to the ground.

This morning started with some laughs however. After pondering about just what I must do with a hurricane, a baby who needs milk, and people and babies in the hospital waiting for essential medicine at the hospital, I see Anne Marie and three giggling girls come around the corner drenched to "pick me up". After bringing Amelia, our sheep, close to the house, we set off for the hospital - Ysemael wrapped in a raincoat! After a lot of giggling and sludging through mud and trails that had turned to rivers, we made it without a fall. I'm pretty sure the Haitians think we're insane most of the time.

So now I find myself with a whole afternoon to dry off and hideaway inside - maybe I'll make myself some coffee and pretend I'm in Seattle.

Hightlights of the past couple days:

-I somehow managed to make swedish pancakes from I don't know what. I couldn't stop eating them.

-I finally had to do something with my pile of dirty laundry and washed clothes at the river with the haitian women. I got the best stares ever.

-we now have four babies at the hospital who need milk and we will be running short soon. Pray for more milk to arrive soon.

-listening to 'Your Love is Strong" by Jon Forman is powerful in the midst of a hurricane (thanks Erin for making me download it before I left)

-water: as of yesterday, the hospital was beginning to have some water (drips). It hasn't made it's way to our houses yet because I guess it has to gain pressure. There is plenty of rain water (duh) (I filled the huge igloo thermos this morning in like 10 minutes of rain). And we found Dustin's water filter a few days ago.

The storm

Hi all,
I've finally been able to get online again. And woah, I guess the media has really given everyone a scare with the hurricanes. We've definitely had some excitement here. I'm feeling a little uplifted now, but things were feeling rather hard and serious here just a few days ago. We had heavy winds and rain that started on Monday, and today is the first day with no rain. I long to be dry, walk on dry land, and be able to put on dry clothes again!

Wednesday was when the heaviest hit. It started out somewhat like a snow day - everything stopped because of the rain and wind. We took several trips down to the river to see what was going on. The little creek in the valley below my house turned into a monstrous huge river, that looked to be pure mud tumbling through the valley. In the aftermath we've seen that most of the gardens in the valley are demolished. There were also three men who got stuck in some trees in the middle of raging river when they were working in their gardens. We all just could look at them from the edge, helpless. No one could do anything. I've heard since that they were able to wait it out until the river receded and were able to get out safely!

Our other problem though: the storm took out our water system. We've been without water since Wednesday evening. Rob and AnneMarie have a tank of stored water they are using, and I have a tank on top of my house that I am living off of until it's gone. It's been raining a lot so we are able to catch water that way and boil it. And if need be we still have the river water that we can boil or filter. It's making life a little more difficult here though and Thursday night I was longing for the carefree days I had when I first came here with the big group and water and food galore!

I still have Ysemael with me. His mother is taking care of him for part of the days, so that helps me out quite a bit. But oh, caring for a baby without water is a challenge. I woke up yesterday to a diaper so filled with poo, oh...

But seriously we could used some prayer:
1) water. there are rumors there are only 5 places the pipes are broken and the water committee may be able to fix them soon. But the surounding towns also don't have water and I think their system will take a month to be fixed!
2)that Ysemael will be able to start breastfeeding.
3)that the road will be fixed soon. The storm took out the road on both sides of us too.

August 28

Ysemael is still with me. Me, the baby, tube feeding. I volunteered to take him on Monday because the last two babies that were potentials to take died the first night they were at the hospital. My conscience got me a little I guess. Ysemael is mostly the same today. He sleeps all day and all night. I think the Lord is playing a little joke on me because he knows how much I love taking care of babies, crying babies especially (um sorry but you can't hear my sarcasm here). But all I want is for Ysemael to start crying because he just doesn't. I'm afraid there is something wrong in his brain because the day after he was born he stopped crying and stopped breastfeeding. I just don't get it. But somehow he is still with us though because today he is 21 days old. I've had him for three days now and I have been praying like mad that he would "raise from the dead" today. I think the third day is a better than any. We had a little miracle I guess because this morning he opened his eyes and was just staring. We had a little arm movement but not much else. Sometimes when he arouses a little he has a hard time breathing, and that just scares me. I will say though, he's nice to take care of at night because there is no crying to wake anyone. Please pray for him if you think of it.

Other highlights of the week:
-more talk of another cyclone coming this way, but all we've had is a couple cloudy days, wind, and some rain. Nothing spectacular.
-I've now eaten the best mango of my life (times 3)...wow...is all I can say. (one of the patients mom gave them to me - for some reason she has fallen in love with me and wants to steal me)
-I killed my first scorpion in the kitchen. After it drowned in the flood of insect killer I sprayed on it and the rock I crashed on top of it, it was finally dead.

August 25

I've come to that point again. Asking myself, what the heck am I doing? I have a baby here - by myself. I think I'm insane sometimes - I'm walking home in the pitch black dark carrying a baby in my arms. I pray for another miracle. It's like he's in a coma, to response to anything. He's 18 days old, majorly dehydrated because he hasn't eaten well in I don't know how many days. Like you could see your stethoscope indent on his stomach. Ysemael - our first boy here. I pray for the Lord's will to be done with him, that he would be free of any evil binding him. i just don't get what's going on in his body. Please Lord heal him and help me get through this night. I'm scared he's going to die with me here.

August 22

Flaynez went home today! She's been only breastfeeding since last weekend and has not gained or lost weight all week. AnneMarie decided to let them go home, since they are ansy to go and it turned out she actually gained one kilo today. I will miss her family dearly.

Aug 20

a little amusement to keep me entertained while I'm by myself:

I'm finally clean and smelling nice after a shower and am ready for bed. I climb in and look up to see a spider inside my mosquito net...AGAIN...how am I going to get it out, kill it, confirm it's death without making it fall somewhere in my bed where it's sure to get lost? What can I use? TP is ration-worthy so that's out of the question. Maybe a shirt? ah! my journal. Yes, get it on the page, slam it shut to make sure squishage happens.......success!
But now I've worked up a sweat again...

I'm walking along the path at night and I see a large dark something on the ground. My heart skips a beat - is it a tarantula? a frog the size of a small dog? Nope it's just a pile of donkey crap...

If only people really knew I was listening to Smells Like Teen Spirit in my earphones while I cleaned the kitchen and not praise songs...

Birthday

Woah, can we say crazy? The time here alone is turning out to be so awesome and crazy all in the same breath. I'm loving the work here, especially in the past week. Going at it alone is forcing me with my creole and I'm having a lot of fun with the patients in the hospital. It's so rewarding to be able to start building relationships and woah, Haitians have a humor all there own. I usually don't leave without having a good laugh. We have a full house and it takes me more than an hour to do rounds in the morning and then I have three people with wounds to clean and change bandages. By the way, Belizaire (aka the man with the leg) is getting closer to having some closed wounds. He has 3 larger wounds on his lower leg and he and Annelies have a bet going as to which wound will close first. There is pate (fried bread) on the line for this bet. So it's up to me to keep track while Annelies is gone! (my pate is on the gigantic wound on his upper leg that has hardly any skin, but they all just laugh at me),

So wow, today is my birthday. I wasn't expecting anything, but Annelies had told Anne-Marie who also told everyone in the hospital. So, I was greeted this morning with Happy Birthday in creole and a few of the mother singing and dancing and hugging me very enthusiastically. Haha, it was a sight to see. But the day doesn't end there I'm afraid. This morning a Haitian ambulance came with a woman in labor. She wasn't progressing very well, and was sitting outside on her bed most of the morning while we saw the other mass of patients who came today. So when she was done with consultations, Anne-Marie decided to give her an IV to speed up contractions, since they seem to be diminishing. And speed up they did. The baby was born probably 30 minutes later and I pulled it out (with a little help of course), clamped and cut the cord. Ti fi (a girl)! And all were joking ti Ryna came today. And I guess this is common practice: the mom told Anne-Marie, just give her any name. So yeah, you guessed it. Haiti now has a Ryna of it's own (Rayna). Oh my goodness. I cannot believe this day.

Sunday Aug 17, 2008

Sunday August 17, 2008

Today I had a conversation with Lisa (Anne Marie's 6 year old) that went something like this:
Lisa: Yo mom cawed me today... AGAIN (apparently she calls Lisa everyday now)...and she said somefing not good.
Me: what did she say?
Lisa: She said you are going to yow home soon.
Me: She did?
Lisa: Yah, I told her it is not ok. Der is too much wok in da clinic.
Me: oh no.
Lisa: Yah, she was not happy; she didn't tell me anyfing else.
Me: she hung up on you?
Lisa: yah, she hung up.

It's getting busy for me here. Everyday this week we've gotten another TB patient to add to the hospital. Rounds this morning took me an hour to do and it feels like we are running out of beds for people. Wow. I like it. I'm glad to be busy and feel like I'm contributing. And since my house is empty, I've been hanging out with the patients in the evenings, which is really helping with my creole. Frer Jal (the hospital guard) told me yesterday that my creole is: almost good. Wow, what a compliment considering language is my worst subject ever. It's very rewarding; a lot of the patients are just ready to pour their love on you and embrace you. Maybe it's just a show, but it's nice. Also, a lot of the patients are teenagers, which are my favorite patients ever. One girl, Nerlie, is always yelling at me to come, sit! And we talk for a while with the others in the room. Yesterday they were quizzing me on creole words...nice. She is sick though, and we're not sure what with. If you look at her she looks AIDS all the way, but multiple test have been negative. We've started her on TB meds because of her symptoms, but she almost looks like she has anorexia, but that doesn't exist here as far as Anne Marie has seen. Ah, but Nerlie has a spirit about her, always smiling and laughing. I hope we can figure out what's ailing her soon.

And Flaynez? Is breastfeeding! You heard me...She is doing both that and taking milk by spoon, but she looks so good. Her weight has been the same all week, so I'm waiting to see if she is getting enough milk to keep growing. But wow, she's a miracle thus far.

and ps, I did make a whole batch of cookies for myself.

It's time to float on my own I guess. Annelies, Dustin, and Amanda left for The Netherlands today, so it's me and myself in the guesthouse (Besides Guerlande and Matilda on the other side). We will see how it goes... I'm praying no tarantulas find me in the middle of the night, but I have some comfort in knowing, from our last experience, that the night guard is very skilled at squishing them against the wall with a large stick or his shoe (the last one was a good size bigger than my hand). One good thing is that I now know the recipe for some pretty awesome banana cookies and have no one to share them with.

Today I started morning rounds with Anne-Marie. She started doing devotions at the hospital as well. Several of the patients have told us they don't believe in Jesus straight out, so pray they would be open to giving him a chance and that being here in Passe Catabois would be a changing point in their lives. It's interesting here because a lot of the patients in the hospital have to be here for months at a time for treatment, whereas in the States they could do it all from home. It's a perfect time to build good relationships. Annelies is very passionate about that, especially with those who are sick in the hospital, so I'm hoping I can fill her shoes at least halfway while she's gone.

Yesterday we got another boy with what we think is TB. His stomach is filled with fluid, it looks as though he could be 9 months pregnant. He's 18. Yesterday we tried to drain the fluid from his abdomen and got 2.5 liters out, but this morning his stomach didn't look much different. And today we also got another TB patient who is 17 years old. I think that brings the total up to 7 people we are treating right now.

Also yesterday greeted us with another delivery. However, this one was perfect because it was fast and all was well. Annelies and I came to the clinic yesterday morning to find a woman in labor on the table and Anne-Marie still in high heels, skirt, tank top, butcher apron and head lamp. It was quite hilarious. She said she thinks it was the first time she delivered a baby in high heels!

Flaynez with dad. Here she still has her feeding tube, but yesterday the tube came out and we decided to try the bottle. It didn't work too well, but she is taking milk so well with a small spoon! Also her mother wanted to take her for the day and night! She is still taking milk but pray she continues to gain weight in this way. We all got a full night sleep last night, bonus! (as kate would say)

Thursday August 7, 2008

Today came an unexpected break as the surgery patients didn't show for the afternoon. The pace has picked up this week; Anne Marie is back at work, with no shortage of patients. Tuesday she whipped out six surgeries after a full clinic day.

Tuesday for me, however, was another Haitian adventure (I swear I'm working here guys). I went to Port de Paix with Rob as we took the American girls to the airport to go home. I made the trip with the sole purpose of getting a phone. Imagine that, a whole day trip just for that goal! Haiti...

So, I said a sad goodbye to Leah, Kate, Ashley, and Jackie and were off on errands that involved moto taxi rides with me perhaps swearing a little in my head as we weaved through streets crowded with people, motos, and rather large trucks. It was me in a skirt, holding on for dear life and all the while imagining Mr. Belizaire's wounds - ha! But no worries, we got there and back in one piece.

The day was a success and we even tap tapped it back to Passe Catabois Haitian style - that is 14 people crammed into the back of a tiny toyota pick up with bags, goods, groceries, and all. My knees are a little bruised but even though I don't understand a lot of creole I got to enjoy what I'm pretty sure was a heated political discussion with the group.

I got back to PC in time to help with the full day at the clinic. I actually ended up holding an IV bottle with some bronchodilation meds for a man who had had an asthma attack for probably close to a week. He was doing better when all of a sudden he started to panic a bit and said "I'm suffocating" over and over. Anne Marie came and found his lungs were filling with fluid, probably from all the IV fluid - apparently he also has a bad heart most likely from chronic lung problems. However, with a lot of prayer, lasix, and Anne Marie's quick hands he pulled out of it and is stable now, although his lung and heart problems are chronic. So, for the past two days I've been giving him an IV med without fluid, so I sit at his side and push it in over 20 minutes or so.

Also today, we had a small success. The parents of Flaynez took her for the morning and did her tube feedings! We could use some prayer that they will be able to be safe with the tube or that Flaynez will grow strong enough to feed by bottle herself. Anne Marie thinks she most likely has a congenital syndrome; we're guessing trisomy 18. So, we are not sure how the long term outcome will be for her.

Anyway, thanks all for suffering through my detailedness - I get it from my mom, blame her...

It's hard to believe it's August already! Time seems to be speeding by. I'm enjoying somewhat of a lazy Sunday today which is nice. This week we have been working on much of the same. Wegina, our first baby, is back with her mother at the hospital. She is still gaining weight and doing well. This morning she weighed close to 2.6 kg, which is a miracle considering she came to us 2 weeks ago at 1.65 kg. Her mother is still very sick with what we think is heart problems and swelling all over, but each day is different. It's a mystery at times and we're not sure if the family has some vodoo ties or what exactly is going on with her. It's been pretty awesome though because the four American girls here have had it on their heart to go and pray with her almost everyday. Hopefully we will see what the Lord is doing in the situation someday.

We also still have Flaynez, our other baby who is still requiring tube feeding. She hasn't been coordinated enough to take a bottle and also her breathing is still very labored. She has given us a few scares in the past week. It's been nice though, that there are three of us in our room at night, so we can take turns feeding her through the night. It makes for some tired mornings, but she has been gaining weight slowly. Please pray for her, that her lungs would be healed and she would gain weight and grow enough to take milk on her own. She also has club feet, so it's hard to think of how life is going to be for her here as disabilities make a person nothing in the eyes of the culture.

Yesterday was a highlight. Since the American girls will be leaving this week, they decided to end their trip with a trip to the beach, so Amanda and I tagged along. We rode a tap tap and walked a pretty grueling walk in the heat, but to see the white sand and crystal blue water was pretty worth it. We had a few hours to relax, swim, and soak up the sun. Uh, more like bake hardcore in the sun. I think it was magnified a few thousand times because we all left with sunburns. Most of us were pretty close to lobster color last night, well I guess just Amanda and I. Needless to say sleeping last night was a little painful, but it was worth the trip!

Anne Marie and family are back, so work should pick up at the clinic starting tomorrow!

Special Delivery

So much for a weekend of rest and our plans to all have naps today after a few sleepless nights with our babies. One of our TB patients passed away on Saturday. And then after church we got word that there was a delivery coming to the clinic. After some confusion on my part of what kind of delivery, Annelies and I and a few of the other girls got ready and ran to the clinic to find a woman outside in labor. I think it was the Lord that put it in the hearts of Caitlyn and Leah to pray for us before we went since Annelies hasn't delivered a baby without Anne-Marie. I was like: "I'll just read my 'Where there is no doctor' book on the way down to the clinic!"

Anything is possible in Haiti (theme of the day).

It turned out to be a lot of waiting, probably three or four hours until finally Miss Tony (one of the Haitian nurses) came to help. We ended up giving her some oxytocin because the contractions were weak and far apart. At one point I stood outside the room and realized there were fifteen women all in the room waiting for something to happen. The woman in labor was so strong, almost kicking Annelies in the head at one point and when I was by her side, I thought she would strangle me during a contraction. I was pretty nervous as at times the situation was looking like another experience I had here where the baby died.

When the IV was finished, the mother bolted off the table and obviously wanted to walk outside. Not soon after we hear Dustin yell, "Guys I think she's delivering!" We ran over to the huge crowd that had now gathered around the mother on the concrete waiting area and when I finally got a glimpse of what was happening I saw that the head was already out!! Annelies runs to get her supplies and I looked down again and the baby is out, on the concrete, on a towel! So it was actually the 15+ ladies around who delivered the baby, we were just running there. Miss Tony picked up the baby by the feet, held it upside down, and slapped it on the back. It was blue and the face was massively swollen. I thought we'd lost it. I tried to get in there and finally was able to suction out the mouth and nose. After much patting and as Annelies clamped the cord the baby started whimpering quietly.

Miss Tony whisked the baby inside and I ran after her. Slowly the baby began to pink up. I didn't even know what was happening but I know the Lord was there and just the fact that Miss Tony decided to come in on a Sunday was huge.

Besides the very very swollen face of the baby who had too much of a big head, I believe everything is going to be fine. They stayed one night at the hospital and went home the next day with their baby girl.


So, quotes of the day:
1) "This is crazy!"
2) "I think I need to bleach myself."

Annelies, after a hard day's work

Thursday we acquired another baby. Flaynez is one month old and weighs 2 kg. She may be delayed mentally because she doesn't seem coordinated enough to breastfeed. She also has club feet and we are wondering if she can see well or at all. Right now we are feeding her via NG tube throughout the day and night. So now it's mama Annelies and mama Ryna as we do rounds at the hospital and work at the clinic. We still have the other baby, Wegina. However, Wegina is gaining pounds like a sumo wrestler. I've given her the name Miss Piggy. I think she is going to do fine.

Baby Flaynez

Naptime in the hammock; Wegina and Flaynez

Wegina. 1 month old. With Dustin.

Mr. Belizaire's wound from a moto accident.

July 23, 2008

What I've been working on recently with Annelies:

1) Our baby, Wegina, now weighs 1.9 kg! The feeding tube is out and she is a big eater. We've been splitting night shift for the past couple nights. I've been doing 1-5am.


2) Continuing with our four TB patients (and the possibility of Wegina's mom being one of them now).


3) Mr. Belizaire, our wound guy. Some new skin is growing, but we are facing a shortage of dressings. We're not sure where they are going to come from, so you can pray for that.

4) Eating a lot of cookies in the past few days. Uh yeah, you heard me...Amanda and Ashlee have put their heads together in the kitchen and made some bomb cookies.

Road Trip

Who knew you could get a full body workout and strawberries on your butt from riding a tap-tap to Port-de-Paix and back. Yesterday we road-tripped it to the House of Hope in LaPointe, a home for children who have TB, malnutrition, or physical handicap. The American girls were going in for a visit so Amanda and I hitched a ride too since we had never been before.

The ride, as anyone who has been here before knows, is an adventure in itself. We got some major stare downs as six white girls (all blond except for me) busted down the road in a seemingly empty load (tap-taps are usually piled ten stories high with bags of food, people, and goats tied on the side). Let's just say we had some major protection from above. Getting out of the river was an ordeal. A little road block from a broken down truck, a little mud, a little slip and slide, and no path at all. But no worries since our chauffeur carved a path with his machete and on we went.
Tap-tap full of girls: Leah, Caitlyn, Amanda, Ashlee, Jackie

It was good to visit the HOH finally. I am so impressed with their operation and I was actually content with sitting and holding babies for most of our stay. It helps when they just melt into you. Somehow the two boys I held first were two who had just arrived that day (I learned later on) - one with TB and one with severe malnutrition: orange hair, skeleton skinny with a huge belly. I think we all had a good visit and would have seriously packed a few home in our bags.

July 19, 2008

I'm missing home a lot this weekend; I guess I've almost hit the two week mark.

Anne-Marie (AM) was here yesterday and regulated a little - a lot of people went home - to perhaps come back later or because we can do nothing. Ugg... one boy, 17, with a tumor probably in his lymph below his ear. His hearing and vision are going. AM sent him home to die; he will most likely suffocate. It's really too terrible to think about.

And today as Rob and AM were leaving for vacation (which I learned the only reason they are able to go is because Dustin and Annelies are here holding down the fort), they ran into some new patients at a river crossing. They turned around, brought them back, gave instructions to us, and finally left again. So now we have a one month baby girl weighing 1.65 kg. She looks like a skeleton and her mom seems to be in heart failure; swollen over her entire body, even up to her face.

new baby Wegina

It's been a good couple last days. We had our first encounter with a very large, very fat, very hairy, very orange tarauntula who made camp on someone's towel on the dry line at night. We were all going to bed and there it was, sitting like it was boss of the place. Caitlyn and Leah (um... my heros) got it off and pounded a rock (more like a boulder) on top of it, squishing it. You know I was on top of my bed peeking around the corner.

Anyway, the other highlight - RAIN. And I mean it in all-caps. It's been so dry, many crops have been dying, so this was an answered prayer. But, after five hours of rain that would drench you in twenty seconds, we were all like - ok do you think we should ask God to turn it off now? And the lightning - wow. I couldn't count two seconds between flashes. An awesome light show to say the least.

Insight Into The Haitian

"Distressed and hungry, they will roam through the land; when they are famished, they will become enraged and looking upward, they will curse their king and their God. Then they will look toward the earth and see only distress and darkness and fearful gloom, and they will be thrust into utter darkness." Is. 8:19-22

It's funny - in changing bandages there is such an irony. Each person is so particular in how their bandage is wrapped. Mostly concerns with the outside wrapping. Yet they sit there broken, hurting, wounded. But there is still some pride, some standards saying "no, I will not accept my bandage to look anything less than what I find acceptable." Haitian pride.

Settling In

Hi all! The past two days we’ve had the clinic here open and functioning even though Anne-Marie is still away. The load has been really light - we actually were done seeing people by 11am this morning. I think everyone knows there is no doctor. I'm scared for the madness when she comes back.

I've still been following Annelies (my teacher) around trying to learn all she does here and jump in somehow. So far we start the day with rounds at the hospital giving TB drugs to three patients and checking in with the others staying there, which aren't too many in number now. Then we do our wound care with three different men. Two wounds seem to be improving; one not so much since we're pretty sure it is some sort of cancer (it looks like a big pile of extra muscle, tissue, fat coming out of his shin). I don't think we'll be able to do anything for him.

Annelies and I dressing leg wound

Other than that I've been hanging out outside the hospital in the afternoons with the kids around. It's nice: shade, awful creole from me, dodging Ku-Ku (a tank of a three year old), and watching Caitlyn, one of the girls who came with us, paint her mural on the huge wall behind the hospital. It is looking awesome already.

Ashlee and Amanda (post painting session with some kids)

Highlights for me so far:
-all my luggage made it to PC (even your trunk Susan!!!)
-chunky peanut butter
-the 5 minutes after a shower when you feel clean
-only one run-in with a mondo spider so far
-sitting on "the mountain" at night
-the company...

We Finally Made It

Hi all,

We finally made it to Passe Catabois after a few setbacks, but then I remember...oh yeah...I'm in Haiti. We had to spend the night at a hotel in Port-au-Prince because there were high winds in Port-de-Paix and the small planes weren't flying anyone out to the north. I've met up with Annelies, another nurse who has been here for 5 months, Dustin, who has lived here on and off, and Annelies's friend from The Netherlands, Amanda. There are also four other girls from America who will be doing a kids camp for four weeks as well as painting another mural for the hospital.

All of my luggage is in Haiti! But only one so far made it to Passe Catabois. Susan's trunk is still at the airport, but all the stuff inside made it through customs (I was nervous Susan; they took out the pills and were like, what is this!!!??? um yeah, I tried to play dumb and say they were for the hospital and he let everything through... ah!!!) Anyway, hopefully all luggage will come tomorrow.

Anne-Marie is not here yet. I guess she will return from visiting her sister on Thursday. I'm guessing the madness will start then. So far Annelies and I are attending to a few patients with some pretty big wounds... a little overwelming.

More to come later.

(ps Lindsey: I'm afraid there is no apple juice at Auntie Ryna's house. That's my secret message for you.)

Three More Weeks

Welcome to my blog! Three more weeks until I leave for Haiti...oh my....