The Crap has hit the Fan

September 20, 2008

The crap has hit the fan. This week has been hell on earth. Today we sat in the clinic to wait for the baby we've been taking care of all week to die. The fourth one this week. I woke up this morning and had to take a time out on the mountain to cry the culmination of this week out. Here's a recap:

Sunday: 3 of my friends arrived! Sara and Erica, nurses, to stay for 2 weeks and AJ to stay for 5. Crazy excitement on my part to see their faces in my world here. But still no water.

Monday: Market day and a full moon is never a good combo. This day was something fierce. We didn't leave clinic until 5pm, I had a pounding headache and felt like I was going to throw up. Still no water today. Five people admitted to the hospital - malnourished babies and new TB patients. We have no more beds. This workload is getting out of control but Sara and Erica are taking on some of the older babies to feed and give milk. Ysemael pulled out his tube. I left it out because he is taking milk with a spoon. We will see if it is enough. My first night without him in three weeks and I slept the whole night.

Tuesday: I feel so beaten down, I'm not sure how I can keep going. I got a call from my mom tonight. My grandpa passed away today and how I will comprehend and process this without being home with my family I don't know. It was good to cry on the phone with my mom; it was good to spill all the grief of the past days out. So many sick, so many malnourished, so many hungry, so many thirsty, so many sick from river water. Hannah included, the baby twin girl we got last week whose mom died in childbirth. We almost lost her today. Maybe I didn't check her good enough last night but this morning she almost peaced out - severe dehydration. After IV fluid and NG tube, Sara, Erica, and I are taking her tonight. Night rounds the most frustrating yet - Ysemael throwing up, 3 malnourished babies not eating - one with a mom who is just not getting it, and Classilier, my 18 year old friend not doing well. I feel defeated tonight. No water yet, but washing my hair in the river felt divine after a day like this.

Wednesday: I started the day with tears and a hug from Anne Marie after she heard about my grandpa. I was tearful all morning - thinking about how I won't see him again and can't be home to be with everybody. Oh Lord he was a good man and how I wish I could zoom home for a bit and come back. But oh, this morning we stopped TB meds for Classilier because we think he has something else, maybe leukemia. His face was so swollen this morning. I was already tearful and when I thought I would lose him too, I lost it even more. I sat with him on his mat, held his hand and prayed with him. I don't think he knows the Lord. It's getting out of control. 22 patients in the hospital. Hannah still having massive diarrhea. No water yet.

Thursday: Wake up call at 6:30 by TiFrer because a baby at the hospital isn't doing well. Me and Sara running to the hospital in our pajamas. We took the baby back with us, David. He's not getting enough breastmilk from mom and has a weak cry. Frustrated with the mom beyond anything. A baby close to death when I arrived at the clinic 2 hours later. Sara sat with her until she died 3 hours later. Dustin and Annelies finally arrived today. And WATER at the hospital. I ran to it screaming, freaking out, most everyone was laughing at me. Presents from Amanda and Caitlin in Annelies's suitcase - a good supply of sweets and chocolate (it was perfect timing girls, you don't know how much it means to me!) Covered in body fluid, milk, etc and water has not reached the house yet. So...bathing in the river in the pitch black dark and headlamps was pretty much the best thing ever. And good time to talk with my friends and a little debriefing with some M&Ms.

Friday: David passed away at 4 am this morning and somehow I didn't feel so sad. Almost relief swept through me, which I feel a little guilty about. Yesterday his cry was so pitiful and sad and who knows if there was something dark in that room with him, mother? grandmother? But oh, Classilier had an ultrasound today and is going home...most likely to die. We think it's cancer, most likely metastasized. Oh, it's really too difficult to think about. I sat and talked with him today and taught him high five in english. I said I would wait for him when he'll come visit in October (so he says). HALLELUJAH...THE WATER HAS FREAKIN REACHED THE HOUSE. The pressure isn't good, but shower, oh the shower. It was heavenly.

Saturday: today...Hannah had a rough night, a pitiful cry and the diarrhea hasn't stopped. Anne Marie started an intraosseous IV for hydration, but she died with everyone sitting in the clinic around her. This one was the toughest so far and we all were crying. I don't understand. She had new American parents ready to adopt her, but the Lord took her anyway. Images of my grandpa playing with Hannah are floating around in my head. Who knows if it's true but it's nice to think about...