A Little Haitian Wisdom

After spending a significant amount of time in rural Northwest Haiti, I have acquired some wisdom I think is necessary to share with the world. So here, in no particular order...
the things I have learned in Haiti:

1) It's really ok to pick your nose in public.

2) Donkeys are pretty much the coolest animals on the planet, however the noise that comes out of them is not.
3) Roosters do NOT only crow in the morning.

4) A rooster or a goat that makes noise outside your window can actually turn a relatively calm person into a raging murderer who likes to throw rocks.

5) If you want some new shoes, just ask the white person visiting your country.

6) The louder you sing, the more beautiful it sounds.

7) You really can do ANYTHING with only a machete.

8) If you see little sparkles in the grass at night that look like dew droplets, don't be fooled, it's not dew, it's just the eyes of the hundreds of banana spiders looking back at you.

9) It is NOT possible to live life without a headlight.

10) Clorox is almost as handy as a headlight.

11) Hot water, internet, and washing machines are really more valuable than you think.

12) It is possible to rate how difficult or tiring a day is by how many cold cokes you need to drink by the end.

13) Haitian coke in a glass bottle is better than most everything in the world.

14) If a Haitian says rain is coming, RAIN IS COMING, go take cover somewhere.
15) Rain means everything stops, no school, no work. It is perfectly acceptable to lay in your bed all day.

16) If you take a knife away from a Dutch person, they will most likely starve to death.

17) Pepto Bismol is actually my favorite candy.

18) All of life's most difficult questions can be answered with "si Bondye vle (if God wants)" or "Bondye konnen (God knows)".

19) If your commute doesn't include a two hour donkey ride or a four hour barefooted walk in the mud, then you have no rights to complain.

20) Yawning does not mean you're tired. It means you're hungry!

21) If you feel the ground shake and you are inside, don’t think, just run! (I have acquired this instinct, even in my sleep … Sara has not)

22) Bed nets are not really for mosquitoes, they are to keep geckos, spiders, and scorpions from jumping in your bed.

23) If you get stung by a sea anemone in the ocean, just ask your friend to pee on your wound.

24) The capacity of a small Toyota truck is actually 26 people, 4 goats, and 27 chickens.

and last but not least...

25) If 911 doesn't respond, just get thirty of your neighbors and make them carry your bed to the hospital. Sprinting, singing, and an adequate ingestion of rum is required.